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By: Ms. Austen (Guest Blogger)
I came across this post about a week ago on “Ms. Austen’s Cubicle,” (a paralegal blog) and have been chuckling over it ever since. In fact, so much so that I felt inclined to seek permission to share it with all of you! Thankfully, Ms. Austen is one super cool, anonymous blogger, so she is here today to share with us “a tale from her clueless past.” Chances are, you’ve either had something like this happen to you…or you will. It happens. In these types of situations, all you can do is breathe a big, deep, self-indulgent sigh (one of internal, heartfelt pity in your own clueless honor) and smile, as you begin to unofficially introduce yourself to those around you as “Hello, my name is clueless…”
We hope you enjoy this post as much as we did! A special thank you to Ms. Austen for sharing it with The Paralegal Society.
Reprinted with permission from Ms. Austen’s Cubicle: ww.msaustenscubicle.com.
I overheard a snippet of instruction from an attorney yesterday that brought to mind a funny story from my past that I wanted to share with you this morning. The next time you make a mistake at work (because no matter how good you are at what you do, you are still a human being, and that is just the way we roll from time to time), perhaps you will remember this story and not be quite so hard on yourself, since whatever error you commit, you will likely not be as clueless as I was.
In my earliest days of working in the paper mines when I was just a pup and had no formal education in the legal field, I was at a firm doing overflow legal secretarial work. One of the seasoned insurance defense litigation attorneys was having to use me as a replacement while his regular legal secretary was out on maternity leave. He was not happy about this. Neither was I, and nearly made myself sick every day stressing about whether I was doing things the way he wanted.
One morning Mr. Seasoned Attorney (hereinafter referred to as “Parsley”) walked up to my desk and started rattling off instructions about subpoenas he needed prepared. “I need you to prepare subpoenas for Smith vs. Jones to be ready by this afternoon.” Then he proceeded to rattle off a list of names of people for whom subpoenas needed to be prepared, and tramped back down the hall to his office.
I located the Smith vs. Jones file, searched and found a subpoena form, and got to work. Searching the file, I was able to locate the information I needed for all of the people on the subpoena list except for one. I searched the entire file and the computer file. Then I searched every document and letter in the computer file, to no avail. The lunch hour was approaching and I still could not locate any information at all about this last person on the list. I started to sweat, wondering if I could muster up the courage to approach Parsley and admit my failure.
Parsley chose that moment to return to my desk asking if I had the subpoenas ready for his review. Gathering up my courage, I handed him the subpoenas I had prepared and said, “Here are all of them except one. I have started on the last one, but I just can’t find an address for this person and I am not sure I am spelling his name right, since I can find nothing about him in the file.” I hand him the uncompleted subpoena, “I’m sorry, but I just can’t find anything on Duke Steecum.”
Parsley frowned, saying, “Duke Steecum? I didn’t say we needed any subpoena for a Duke . . .” There was a slight pause, and then old Parsley busts out with a loud belly laugh.” I didn’t say to subpoena Duke Steecum, I said we needed a Subpoena Duces Tecum for Bob Brown at First Bank.” Parlsey managed to tell me this while laughing harder and harder. When he was finally able to compose himself, he patted me on the back and proceeded to explain to me quite thoroughly what a Subpoena Duces Tecum was, said that I should be able to find a separate form for one on the computer, and headed back to his office.
Funny, he was nicer to me after that, but from that day forward he persisted in referring to me only as “Duke.”
Wishing you a relaxing weekend,
Ms. Austen
(For those of you who aren’t already familiar with Ms. Austen’s blog, she typically signs each blog post with her anyonymous blogger name, Ms. Austen, followed by a prisoner number. Ha ha. Funny, isn’t it??? From referring to her job as “the paper mill” or “paper mine,” tales regarding her co-workers, the office, and her rather fruitless attempts at online dating, I’m totally reading it!)
_____
Duke….I just can’t quit laughing internally. Too funny.
Do you have a similar tale from “your clueless past” that you’re willing to share with us? If so, hit that comment button and tell us all about it! I’ve laughed over this post for 6 straight days now. Another good story or two and I might just make it a few weeks or a month fueled on internal laughter alone.
Happy High Heel Friday (and TGIF to you hardworking male paralegals)! Carpe de weekend.
Seriously. Carpe de heck out of it! We’ll see you next week.
The Paralegal Society™ 
OMG!!! I love it!!! This post literally had me laughing out loud at my desk which I definitely needed after this week. Thank you so much for sharing.
“PAPER MINE” OMG!!! How absolutely brilliant!!!!!!!!! I’m going to put that on my door.
Fantastic article, great writing – great story. We have all met our “Dukes” or different colors through our years!!!
Thank you so much Ms. Austen for writing and Jamie for sharing with us. More, I want more stories!!
Wow!! Just an amazing piece to share with all my colleagues!!!
I told my “Duke” story already, but for those who didn’t hear it, I am ready to contribute 🙂
As you know, I am an immigrant and English is not my first language. In addition to learning that crazy spelling that doesn’t adhere to any rules, I was forced to learn abbreviations as well. So, here is my story…I was lucky to get a job as a paralegal at my last day of internship. The paralegal who worked and trained me walked away one morning and I was hired in afternoon. I run to school skipping steps and proudly announced that I got a job. Next day, I went to work with a sore throat and 102. But it was my first day of work, so I couldn’t call in sick! The attorney saw my state and told me to go back home. Because I was interning in the office for the past few months and showed my work and dedication, she trusted me with keys and told me to come back on Sunday. She said that she would leave a pile of files on my chair…I came back on Sunday and discovered a pile of files on my chair. All of them had posted note with instructions. All instructions were concluded with an “ASAP” at the end. I started to sweat. I was a good student. I learned how to prepare many litigation documents, but none of them was called “ASAP”. I called home and cried. My husband didn’t know what “ASAP” all was about. I left the office. The next day, I had a class in the morning, so I went straight to my professor and told her that I got a job on Thursday and lost it already. She asked for an explanation and I told her that I didn’t know how to prepare “ASAP.” I think that she is still laughing…:-)
Enjoy the rest of your weekend and stay cool!
Thank you so much, Jamie, for sharing my story and blog on your lovely site. Thank you for the kind comments as well, fellow readers. Back to the mines . . .
Very funny!! Have been in those shoes, having worked in a law firm as a legal secretary and starting with absolutely no legal experience! We had also recently moved to town, so I didn’t know the names of any of the clients or legal community. I think the biggest laughs my boss had was when, just after being hired, I totally slaughtered the names of one of the judges who was calling…and my boss told the judge!! He had a good laugh; I was mortified!
That is hilarious! My “Duke” moment…
It was my first job in a law firm as a part-time secretary. I had only been there a couple days.
I just finished copying and mailing the discovery responses to the other side. I walked into the attorney’s office and told her the responses had been mailed to opposing counsel and asked if she wanted me to “file” the responses with the court.
She just looked at me kinda funny and explained the difference between “discovery” and “pleadings.” Hey they are both on pleading paper! 🙂