By: Jamie Collins
One law clerk’s humiliation – brought to life by my carefully selected words. Yep. This is gonna be a fun one!
We’ll return to posts of substance next week, TPS’ers, but for today, we’re here to lighten the mood and have a little fun in honor of that blessed holiday otherwise known as “Happy High Heel Friday!” So, sit back, sip that cup of whatever it is you’re drinking to perk your paralegal spirits, and enjoy this absolutely priceless, funny work story.
And in case you’re wondering…we can’t make this stuff up – it’s just that good.
I once met an attorney who told me the world’s funniest story. His name was John…as in John Doe…for obvious reasons. In the early years of his career, John worked for a law firm as a law clerk. It was a big deal. He was still in law school and planned to sit for the bar exam. Like most law clerks, John took his job very seriously. He routinely drafted and revised letters and documents for the senior partner’s review. You know, the kind of senior partner who is so “senior” that he never even signs his own name…that kind. The Godfather.
John had made ump-teen hundred thousand (yes, that is a real number in the paralegal world) revisions to a demand letter he had drafted on the senior partner’s behalf. The senior partner was the type of guy who made meticulous changes and additions to his work – and lots of them. John spent hours and hours revising this letter and the hours and hours had turned into days.
John eventually received the Godfather’s “final” revisions. What a relief! Just as John finished the final set of revisions, Mother Nature called, and he trooped off down the hall to the little boys room to respond. Upon his return, John breathed a deep sigh of relief as he hit “print.” It was finally done. He pulled the finalized demand off of the printer, signed it on behalf of the senior partner and placed it in that day’s mail. It was the end of the day, so the package was promptly transported away by the local mailman. John went home that evening feeling quite satisfied on his job well done.
The next day, when John arrived at work, a fellow law clerk, who we’ll call Skeeter (a real jokester) approached John and asked “Did you like what I added to that letter, man?” Oh no, thought John. Added to the letter? What on earth was he talking about??? The only words John could manage to utter exited his mouth…“what do you mean?” You see, it turns out Skeeter had added his own verbiage to the conclusion section of the demand. You know…the part where it typically reads: “As you may be aware, this is a very serious claim…” Well, Skeeter had changed that particular line to read “As you may be aware, I am so horny and I want to jump your bones.” Yes, he really typed that. No lie. He added it right into the body of the letter and it went out — under the senior partner’s name. OMG!!!
John’s stomach dropped to the floor, as did his jaw. He became enveloped in a thick, invisible blanket of sheer panic and absolute, personal mortification. What would come of his future career? He was done. He would be shown the door for sure. He had signed the Godfather’s name on a letter containing an explicit, sexual innuendo. OMG!!!
John and Skeeter immediately leaped into action. They feverishly printed off numerous copies of the corrected demand and faxed it and re-faxed it and mailed like five additional copies of it to the adjuster (who, by the way, was a female named “Ethel”…we’ll let you draw your own conclusions on that one). They left her numerous voicemails stating that confidential information had inadvertently been disseminated in the initial demand and that it needed to be destroyed… immediately. Now whether this poor, unsuspecting insurance adjuster ever actually read that fateful line of text is not known, even to this day.
What we do know is this: Ethel never acknowledged the numerous attempts that were made to contact her after this catastrophic event transpired. Nevertheless, John’s humiliation was very real, and the story has become legend.
We’d love to hear your funny work stories, TPS readers! Can you top this one? If so, let’s hear it! If you have a funny story worth sharing, please hit that comment button and sound off. After all, who couldn’t use a little humor on a fabulous Friday in paralegal world? Um, no one. So share away!
Happy High Heel Friday! We’ll see you next week.