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By: Lottie Wathen

We’re singing, and dancing, and singing! (Okay, kind of). Today, Lottie stopped by to share some jingles with us. But rather than just share some boring ole jingles, she decided to rewrite them to what they would be if Paralegals had actually written them. Creative? We think so. Fun? You better believe it. Read on, my jingling friends. Read on.

Mother Nature recently provided me with an elusive adult snow day (two in a row, actually), which allowed me to lollygag on the sofa in my jammies. I am pretty sure that I could easily get used to working three days a week and having four day weekends. I spent most of my time off reading, surfing the internet and spent WAY too much time on social networks (my laptop was my best friend). Being at home when I am normally in the litigation trenches also provided me with an opportunity to watch daytime television which, in all honesty, is not all that great.

As I watched the mindless television programming selected by my husband (the remote was his best friend), it occurred to me that the television commercials today, while often entertaining, will not be remembered like the ones from days past. Unless you are extremely young, you undoubtedly remember Oscar Mayer’s ad with the catchy, “My bologna has a first name” jingle.

Then it occurred to me – what would happen if paralegals wrote jingles? Rather than creating new ones (which would require theme music and some serious voice lessons), I decided to see if I could modify some of the better known ones already in existence. I started making a few notes and it did not take long for me to realize that I was missing the mark as jingles are supposed to help promote a product. Most of my “jingles” were more like rants with a rhythm (that might be uttered in frustration). For example, Rice Krispies’ “Snap, Crackle, Pop – Rice Krispies” became, “Speak fast and go – I’m busy!” Probably not the best sales pitch for a paralegal.

I decided to redirect my focus to see if I could create something that would sing the praises of paralegals (who are often unsung heroes). I hope that you can remember the tunes to the original jingles/slogans below which came to my snow bound mind:

Burger King®’s 1973 ad (for you younger folks it had a catchy tune and said, “hold the pickles, hold the lettuce; special orders don’t upset us; all we ask is that you let us serve it your way”) becomes:

I’ll draft motions, I’ll draft orders;
Read transcripts from court reporters;
I can help you help your client get it her way.

Kit Kat® candy bar (give me a break):

Give me a task, give me a time, you bet I’m gonna beat your deadline now.

McDonald’s® “You deserve a break today” ad, which ran in the 70’s and 80’s (“You deserve a break today, so get up and get away, to McDonald’s!) becomes:

Rog answers are due today,
With deadlines you cannot play,
I will do them!

There are so many really good jingles out there that this article could take on a life of its own, but I will leave you with this last one which, to me, really says everything you need to know about the value of a good paralegal:

Chicken of the Sea®’s Ask any Mermaid ad becomes:

Ask any lawyer you happen to see, how do you do it? Your paralegal’s key!
(A big thank you to co-worker, Crystal Distler, for this one).

I expect that at least a few of you are sitting there thinking of your own jingles – at least I hope you are. Please feel free to share them with the rest of us. As for me, I am off to scour the upcoming forecast – hoping for another snow day. Although, I must confess that a “Gee, it is just far too lovely to work today” type of day sounds a whole lot better!!

Lottie Wathen is a litigation paralegal at Cohen & Malad, LLP in Indianapolis, Indiana where she works exclusively on family law matters. She has held leadership positions in several civic organizations and is presently a member of the Board of Directors for the Indiana Paralegal Association where she serves as the editor of the newsletter and the Chair of the Family Law Section. Lottie may be reached via email at indylottie@yahoo.com.

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Okay, okay. I’ve got one to share! As a kid, I remember a jingle McDonald’s had out back in the day – one that listed a big, huge list of menu items to a catchy tune. My best friend Susie and I made it our life’s mission to remember the words. (How freaky is it that I STILL do to this day? Don’t answer that. Clearly, misapplied talent). Anyway, it went like this:

Big Mac, Mc DLT, a quarter pounder with some cheese, filet of fish, a hamburger, a cheeseburger, a happy meal, Mc Nuggets, tasty golden fries, regular or larger size…I can’t remember the rest. But if a Paralegal had written this particular jingle, this is what it would sound like:

Big day, lots to do, so much stuff I can’t tell you, pleadings, and discovery, lots of deadlines, please help me, binders, paper, white out tape, my sanity’s about to break…

(Insert the TPS Founder taking a bow here)

Whatcha got?