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By: Jamie Collins
Greetings, TPS readers! Today, I’m here to share the juicy tidbits of an inner-office exchange, which occurred somewhere in the specific location of: The United States of America. Since hearing this legal staffer’s story, I just can’t quit thinking about it. I find myself teetering in a 50/50 split between states of utter disbelief and absolute personal amusement. By the time you’re done with today’s post, you’ll completely understand my choice title for today’s post.
We’ll refer to today’s featured legal staffer as “Jane,” as in Jane Doe for purposes of personal anonymity. Jane works in a busy office for a larger law firm. On one day in particular, Jane realized she needed to seek help from the company’s IT department, and more specifically, assistance creating a customized “report/spreadsheet” that would pull together various pieces of vital information from the firm’s database, to put it into a meaningful format for the firm’s decision makers. Keep in mind this project was actually assigned by the firm’s “Godfather,” making it not only a priority project for anyone associated with it, but one which needed to be completed successfully, and pronto, in order to avoid the imminent beheading of all legal and IT folks involved. You with me here? It was important. A really big deal.
Jane was the “go to and get it done person” for this task. Since the project was a major IT undertaking, and not a legal task, she was merely the point person to see it through to completion.
Given the situation, Jane obviously knew she needed to promptly approach the IT guy to seek his help. So she sent him a friendly and professional e-mail, describing what was needed, advising him the request was being made at the behest of the “Godfather,” and stating she was available (and happy) to meet with him to confer, in order to more clearly elaborate on what was needed. In other words, this project was coming down the legal food chain, from high up on the mountain, via the “Godfather,” to Jane, flowing down to Mister IT guy, who (at least in theory) was waiting in the wings. Jane received the following response:
Jane,
There is no way we can do this type of spreadsheet with the way things are currently set up. [No kidding, this is why Jane approached him in the first place.] This would take so much time and effort. I will not be able to meet with you about this.
[This is my favorite part]. Since I am never going to be able to meet with you, if you want to send me an example of exactly what you want the spreadsheet to look like, I will try to put something together.
Sincerely,
IT Guy
(Emphasis supplied).
Now the fact that this spreadsheet creation would be complicated does not at all surprise Jane. That’s the whole reason the auto-generated creation was requested in the first place, because this project, when done manually (if even possible), would consume days and days of an attorney’s time each and every time it was needed, which would apparently be often – hence the request.
Let’s also not lose sight of the fact that it was the “Godfather” who sought this information in the first place – not Jane. She was merely the messenger.
Perhaps my favorite part is the IT guy’s use of the word “never” as in – I am [insert your best Taylor Swift singing voice here] never (ever, ever, ever) going to be able to meet with you. Never. Like even if you work here for the next 20 years, because I have creatively (and perhaps far too honestly) opted to use the choice word “never” in response to your priority request. Never mind the fact that you work directly across the hall from Jane. A brisk 15 foot walk.
Never.
Now, I’ve got to say that any “normal” busy person attempting to articulate the difficulty associated with the project would have likely chosen words such as:
“I will not be able to meet with you [select any one of the following, entirely appropriate responses]: today/anytime soon/in the next week or two/anytime this month/right now/until we finish this big project we are working on/I’m not sure when.
But for kicks, let’s just go with “never.”
Message received. The person Jane needed was too busy to help or didn’t care enough to meet with her in order to discuss a highly complicated and important project. Surely, there were many details to discuss.
This happened to Jane, but it could happen to any of us. I have approached many, many esquires, business owners, and really busy people in my time, and on occasion, they have attempted to covertly duck out the back door into hiding, escape into a lengthy lunch break to avoid having a necessary meeting, given me a look that would indicate he/she would actually prefer to be instantaneously teleported through the floorboards to a place far, far away from the discussion of the task/project/issue at hand, or even responded with a verbal tone and that ridiculously glazed over 100-yard stare to silently indicate he is not actively listening to one single word coming out of my mouth regarding the task/project/issue standing in the paralegal roadway…but I can honestly say, I have never (as in: ever, ever, ever) had anyone tell me, in writing, verbally or otherwise, that they were “never” going to meet with me. How about you?
Has anyone besides Jane ever had someone offer up an outright refusal to meet when it’s 100% appropriate and needed? Perhaps you had something a bit different happen, but equally as bizarre in your corner of the legal universe. If so, we’d love to hear about it! The hotline for “Free Group Therapy” is officially open for business!
And in case you’re wondering when I’m going to stop writing posts, sharing information, discussing issues, freeing a small piece of my paralegal soul writing rants, and calling things like I see ‘em.
The answer is: never (ever, ever, ever).
_____
Seriously, if you have something to say about Jane’s experience or an interesting story to share of your own, hit that comment button! We’d love to hear about it. Let Jane know that she is not alone. (And even if she is, she sure does keep great company!)
Have an absolutely fabulous time charging out of the legal gate and into your captivating weekend retreat, where you shall frolic among the fully-sane, under-stressed, non-law managing people! We’ll see you next week, when we’ll be featuring a great piece written by one of the Founder’s former coworkers. Pack your bags – we’re heading to Africa!
Dear Jane: I am never (ever, ever, ever) going to comment on this post. Oh, oops already did? I agree, alternately spalled and amused. I’ve never (ever, ever, ever) had anything like this happen. And I hope I never ( blah bla blah) do! Thanks for a great story though.
Well, see there? Now, Jane can use this situation to tap into her creative-side of thinking…….know how Taylor Swift always writes about bad boyfriends or bad break-ups? Jane can write songs or musicals or plays about NEVER IT guys…….hmmmm……….maybe she can get a top 40 hit with a newly crowned American Idol contestant, or even get Taylor to sing one of her songs about the NEVER IT GUY! In all seriousness, Jane, this guy is beyond belief, and what’s even more appalling is that you were GIVEN orders to get help from IT on this project, so he is in direct violation of orders from the higher food chain. All I can say is this “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” Trust me — karma will get him.
Wow! Never!! Really!!! Never is a very long time. I’ve had people duck me for a long time but never have they said “Never!”
Perfect Friday post. Poor Jane, I have had the shuffle off to Buffalo blank stare and deer in the headlight look while the wheels are turning to see how to avoid such a meeting or dealing with the matter at hand. I have had the flipping the pages of the calendar searching for a day and time (who did they think they were fooling) and the just flat out “can’t right now remind me later” excuse which in esq speak is the second Tuesday of next week, lol. But “never” lol, never say never IT guy, cause when you say never it will surely come back and bite you. I’m more curious as to what happened when the Godfather’s ninjas were sent from on high to handle the scheduling problem…… See ya IT guy wouldn’t want to be ya. Happy Friday all, counting down the days to my trip to California whoo hoo
That’s funny! It’s amazing the people you have to ‘deal’ with during a work day. A company is only as good as its employees, and unfortunately, only takes one bad apple to upset the cart. That bad apple should be not dragged out but thrown out. If that happened to me I’d have walked to his desk and said “Please explain this ridiculous email.”
Thanks for your comments and words in support of Jane’s plight, everyone listed above. Anyone new reading this post, keep it coming!
I wanted to hop back on to provide a twinge more information by way of an update. Jane apparently spent 10 hours of time manually compiling the information sought by the “Godfather,” so he would have the information requested (and clearly to avoid the foreseeable beheading ceremony). The matter was too time sensitive for her to bury her head in the sand like an ostrich, and she’s not one to point fingers. Obviously, the information was not produced in the form of a formal report/spreadsheet, as requested — more like piles of papers on a table and an explanation and a makeshift Word table, but I don’t think it will take real long for the “Godfather” to figure out why there was no spreadsheet or whom to approach in that regard. While Jane put in the time needed to make it happen (because she is a paralegal rock star, and that was the best option), the lack of process/formal spreadsheet will continue to be an issue going forward.
I would respect someone far more if they walked into my office with a clearly articulated 2 minutes…and a stopwatch.
Happy High Heel Friday, everyone!!!
Another funny story Jamie. You had me at Taylor Swift.
Wow. Just wow. I’ve never, ever been in Jane’s shoes and I sure as heck hope I never, ever will be!
Well dear IT guy, the funny thing about life is – one day you will need Jane for something and, since you(IT Guy/Nerd/Dork) are never going to see Jane – I guess, well… as the saying goes: YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN.
The greatest thing about life is, life always pays back these little, itsy bitsy disses, when you least expect them. PIE IN THE FACE!
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As an experienced paralegal with a husband who is a director if IT Management, I HAD to read this post to him! Here are his comments:
“(1) IT majors are not English majors.
(2) Knowing the critical nature of the project and who it came from should have greatly changed the priority of the IT person (unless he wanted to get fired).
(3) “Never” is never a good answer, to anyone.
(4) IT is pulled in so many directions because they have a dotted line to everyone in the company. We are pulled in every direction with priorities. it is extremely difficult to prioritize what needs to get done “first.” IT works best when you tell us what you need, not how you think it should be done.