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advice, article, association, attorney, awful, bad employee, best, blog, boss, chat room, coworker, fix, getting along, group, help, horrible, jealous, law firm, mean, not friendly, office, paralegal, pointers, receptionist, rude, secretary, social forum, story, susan lewis, terrible, the paralegal society, tips, top, train, worker
By: Susan Lewis
Recommended by one of our fabulous members and reprinted with permission from IDISAGREECOMPLETELY: www.idisagreecompletely.com.
No really, it’s not them. It IS you.
Those words were right on the tip of my tongue as I sat quietly and patiently listened to Victoria.
She had been sent to me for training from a client. She had recently been hired and was doing well with her job. She needed “fine tuning,” which I questioned the meaning of when the client called.
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“Victoria is new at her job and she is learning…”
“But?” I asked. The unfinished sentence hung in the air.
“She has a bit of a problem with the other women. She complains that they don’t like her. She said they were ganging up on her.”
This made no sense to me since I personally knew all of the employees in this office. I had trained all of them for the last several years. I could tell you everything about each one. Who was married, the names of their husbands and children or the names of their boyfriends, where they lived, what they thought, what their dreams were and where they had failed.
Some I had become very good friends with. I often receive pictures of their family or pets, along with calls for personal advice and help.
I knew just about everything about them. They were a wonderful, lovely and amazing group of women. They weren’t perfect, but they were kick ass and I was proud to know them. I was proud of the work we had accomplished.
With our help and their dedication, we had taken a failing business that had tripled its income in a year. The majority of the staff were women (about 95%) and each and every one of them worked their asses off to form a team and build the business back up.
They were my girls and they proudly told anyone who asked that they belonged to me.
“What seems to be the problem Victoria?”
She sighed and brushed her bangs off her forehead. She was in her mid-30′s, pretty and impeccably dressed.
“I’m not sure, but I don’t think any of the women like me. You know how they can be.”
I tilted my head and furrowed my brow. “No, I don’t. What do you mean exactly?” I asked as I sat back and crossed my arms across my chest.
“Well, none of them are very friendly towards me. I think they are jealous. I’ve had that problem all my life, so you would think I would be used to it, but I’m not.”
“Jealous? Of what?” I asked.
“I’ve never been able to be friends with women. The constant bickering, backstabbing and gossiping. In fact, just the other day I asked Gloria a question and she completely ignored me! I mean, how rude is that?”
I chuckled. “Gloria is 75 years old and 85% deaf. Where were you standing when you were talking to her?” I asked.
She thought about this for a minute. “I was standing behind her, but she should have been paying attention to me.”
“Did you know she was almost deaf?” I asked.
“Ummm…no BUT SOMEONE SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME!” she said.
“No, not true. YOU should have cared enough to find out. You know, the business doesn’t run itself based on what you need. You were hired to solve THEIR problems. That’s why you get paid. They aren’t there to solve yours.”
She sighed and flipped her hair and looked away.
Her rudeness was beginning to show and it was time to bring it all out into the open.
No more being social and polite. It was time to see what I had here.
“So, what you’re saying is you started talking to Gloria but didn’t have her attention and she didn’t hear you but to you that means she didn’t respond because she’s jealous of you? Do I have that right?”
“Well, when you put it that way…”
“I’m not putting it in any particular way. I am either stating the facts or I am not. Which is it?”
“OK, yes, you’re right…” she said and just at that exact moment, her cell phone rang.
She had been instructed earlier that no cell phones were allowed in the training room. I allowed absolutely no interruptions and was very clear that updating one’s Facebook status could wait until break. She had assured me she understood, agreed and had turned off her phone.
She reached into her purse, grabbed her cell phone and started talking on it.
In front of me as if I was no longer there.
She was talking on her cell phone during her training time that the client had paid for. She was being paid to train and was now using that time, and mine, to chat with someone. She had lied to me and didn’t even have the courtesy to excuse herself to take the call.
She just answered the phone mid conversation and then turned her back to me to talk.
No.
I tapped her on the shoulder. She looked up and was annoyed.
Too bad.
“Excuse me, but is that an emergency phone call? Do we need to call 9-11?”
“No, not at all. It’s my husband. He wants to know what to pick-up for dinner,” she said and turned away and continued to talk.
I yanked the phone out of her hand. I put it up to my ear and said “Victoria is busy, but she will call you back later,” and hung-up.
I loved the look on her face. I turned the phone off and took it out of the room and put it in my desk drawer and walked back into the training room.
I looked at her. “If you ever pull that stunt again, I will dismiss you from training and it will be up to you to explain to your boss why I did. She will be quite interested since I have never had to do that before.”
As much as I worked to help people pull themselves up, every once in a while, you run into someone who needs to be slapped down a peg or two.
“There is nothing wrong with the women in that office. The problem is you and for you to blame everyone for your inability to be decent and kind to those around you is most amazing to me. What do you think should happen? Do you think everyone should change because you don’t know how to get along with them? Is that what you think because if it is, I wish you luck.”
Her lower lip quivered. Tears formed in her eyes. She batted her eyes at me. She sighed and gave me a pleading look of innocence.
I didn’t buy it for a second. Though she was the first to bash women, she was also the first to try to use being a woman to get her way.
No, not with me and not in my training program. There was not one aspect of our program that is based on gender. It is completely based on ability, performance and results whether you are carrying a penis or a uterus. No one cares.
“Tell you what Victoria; if you want to know what’s wrong, just look in the mirror. There’s your answer.”
“OK, I’ll try,” she said. Suddenly her tears were gone.
Amazing.
“And if my girls start to pick on you, you know what you should do?”
“What?”
“Apologize for what it is that you said that pissed them off because guess what? They’ve worked together for years and years and they all get along. They have formed friendships and they have poured their heart and soul into that business and they have my full permission to take you out if you start to mess with them. Understood?”
She nodded her head.
Needless to say, she didn’t last long.
Fine by me.
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A little about today’s guest blogger from her “About Me” page:
I disagree with many things. Hence the name of this blog. I disagree with labeling people and putting them in a little box. I disagree that people aren’t important and good. I disagree with not loving yourself and those around you. I disagree that help doesn’t exist. I disagree that life and work shouldn’t be fun. I have a long list. I have also have worked for many years with people, including battered women, to improve their businesses and personal lives. I figured maybe it’s time to put some of what I have learned out there for anyone who could use it. If it helps, that’s great. If not, so be it. I enjoy publishing my short stories as a hobby. I am currently working on my first novel and somehow I find the time during the day and evening. Mixed in here are articles that might help you or at least make you smile. Remember that it is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. Trust me, it is.
If you liked today’s post, be sure to visit Susan’s blog: www.idisagreecompletely.com!
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And all the paralegals on the planet simultaneously said “Amen,” sister Susan! We have a feeling paralegals all across the nation are now clamoring to their piggy banks, searching their desk drawers and beneath couch cushions in the break room, to see if they can scrounge up sufficient funds to hire Susan for a little law office sanity recovery program, which could perhaps be better described as a little discipline for the Dark Clouds a/k/a Keepers of the Misery! Can’t say we blame you. Can’t say we might not feel a wee bit inclined to join you on certain days while dwelling in the land of legal. Would love to stay and chat, but we’ve gotta beat those esquires to the loose coins while en route to our next caffeinated beverages of happiness!
Good luck clinging to “the departed” formerly known as your sanity, my friends. Wishing you a Happy High Heel Friday! As to the evil doers, clink-clink, that’s us counting change – one coin at a time.
We’ll see you on Monday!
The Paralegal Society™ 
great article. I was bulied in school by two girls so I didn’t have many friends that were girls in school. I have forgiven those girls and now I am more comfortable around women.
What a great article! I work in a VERY small firm, with a staff to attorney ratio of 1:2. The other Paralegal is the Victoria in this story. Unfortunately, she seems to be able to run everyone off. The attorneys, being the good-hearted, kind people that they are (and, these two REALLY are) have not done much to curb her blatant hostility and rudeness toward others. Unfortunately for her, I will not leave. I love my job, my clients, and my other co-workers. I am very good a my job. And, I grew up with a mother much more negative and self-absorbed that she. So, I an here to stay, and hopefully, one day, she will figure out that, “[I]t isn’t them; it really is you”. Thanks for your insight, Susan.
Great article! It is much easier to blame “them” when look into mirror. So true. I didn’t have close friends at school too, Jessica. I was different, a nerd, and was bullied as well. I learned not to blame “them”. With the help of my mother, I learned how “them” and “me” were different and it was “me” who didn’t want to blend. So, as my mom put it down, “if you don’t want to be “them”, never blame “them”. That worked. After we all graduated and moved in different directions, I met a few of “them” and we even became friends.
I love it! Great article, Jamie, 🙂
That was fantastic! We have had one or two of those here, but thankfully no more. Great article, Jamie!
This article gives cause for great concern. The author never demonstrated the ability to function objectively. The author was subjective all along before she met with the Victoria. Consider how many times the author used the word, “I,” as if it was about the author the entire time. It was never about Victoria.
The author’s frame of reference is a restrictively, narrow perspective as the author based her comments solely upon the author’s relationship with the women from the law office that she trained personally, knew their family members, boyfriends, pets, holiday, birthdays, etc. It further reflects the author’s absence of objectivity. It is fallacious to think that just because the author has a good relationship with a group that it means Victoria could/should have had the same.
The author’s behavior was extremely condescending and dismissive at best with so many communication violations.The comments are from a position of arrogance, imperialistic, and superiority complex that is overbearing, far overreaching, and an extreme zealot. Consider the author’s reference about telling someone they are not allowed (permissive) to have on their own cell phone because the author said so as if there is a parental-child subordinate relationship.
Check the arrogance and revel that Victoria is no longer at the law office. That’s the best outcome for Victoria, whom the author and the other women the firm made Victoria a victim of institutionalized group think, which no one deserves.
Sadly, this was an opportunity to do something great by fortifying relationship, rather than villainfying a person not part of the detrimental group Bad company spoils good intentions. Fortunately, everything the author stated truly verifies and validates Victoria’s claims. Victoria never had a chance with this group, who only wants to preserve their position, pay, and power, which is opposing force in causation. The author has the audacity to act upset because she believes Victoria was dismissive towards her when talking on her cell phone. Conversely, the author fails to recognize in herself very own dismissive behavior towards Victoria.
One shouldn’t have joy in destructive, rather than constructive behavior. Although the end results of group think typically is disasterous, I believe Victoria is the blessed one in this scenario. I pray this was hypothetical and not something that really took place. It would be a missed opportunity to do well. What does it say about a person, whom takes pleasure in tearing down a person? The challenge is to build up a person. Why attack someone’s character? What does it say about speaker? The mischaracterization reflects back on the person in the picture frame of reference or mirror.
I feel that the author has a good point but I think it was relayed to the readers badly.
It is true that many times it can be the individual who has a negative attitude and doesn’t try to blend in or wears their feelings on their sleeves but the author made it sound more like the other workers had all been there for so long and knew everyone so well that most likely it was difficult for newcomers to become employed there. It seems to me that the others in the group are not receptive to outside members.
It is difficult to become a part of a group that has so many years together, whether it is in an office environment or even just other parents at your child’s little league game.
Maybe people should give others more of a chance and not be so harsh and so settled on themselves. You never know, some people could be angels in disguise. I stongly belive that every person is unique and can bring something valuable to a relationship, whether business or personal, if given a chance.
I was glad I had a chance to read this article. I may now view others around me a little differently and try to understand how they feel as they try to blend into our groups here.
Thank you.
If I would have picked up my cell phone to answer a call from husband about dinner in the middle of a paid one on one training session, I would at the very least be reprimanded by my boss, and quite possibly fired. The point the author makes is that the whine fest of women needs to stop. We are professionals. So get over yourself and do your job. If you are focusing on that, then you don’t have time to worry about whether anyone likes you or not.
Much thanks to most of you that commented.
Glad you liked it and enjoyed the story.
Carry on and have fun!