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By: Jamie Collins
Happy High Heel Friday, TPS readers! Today, we’re going to have a little fun!! During our many collective years in the paralegal profession, we’ve definitely seen some things in the fashion department that we’d rather forget. We know you have too! We’ve had paralegals reach out to us from all across the country (and beyond) to confirm similar sightings, which fall under the “over abundance of ridiculousness” fashion category. We know this occurs in other business realms too. It’s a widespread issue. So today, we’re here to shed a little light on paralegal fashion…or lack thereof.
Up for a challenge? See if you can read this entire post without laughing or nodding your head in agreement. We double dog dare you!
With the emergence of the lovely, warm, spring weather, a particular genre of fashion begins to rear its ugly head and graces us all with its oh so tacky countenance as it makes its way into our otherwise normal work worlds. What is it that I speak of today? The fashion etiquette nightmare that is plaguing law firms all across the country. Oh yes. It is. You know the one. The runway of shame. This can’t possibly be occurring only in isolated pockets or certain demographics, so I’m sharing this post to showcase the general insanity and utter disbelief with others, in an attempt to promote paralegal sanity among the masses.
You know that saying “safety in numbers,” well for our purposes here today, it’s “sanity in numbers.” If you haven’t seen this “over the top” spring attire – (1) just wait; and (2) thank your lucky paralegal stars. Seriously. If you have observed this obnoxious trend, please read and enjoy. After all, we’re all in this big hot mess together. Just me, you, and 274,998 other paralegals, smack dab in the middle of Spring 2012, immersed in a full-on fashion crisis in the land of legal, in a state of total paralegal disbelief.
There are no words.
I know you’ve all been there. Just when you think you’ve seen it all, in sashays the next recipient for induction into the Paralegal Hall of Shame, wearing the biggest fashion disaster, club hoppin’ get-up that has ever graced the doors of a law firm; a professional work environment, at least in theory. What I’m referring to here is the barely there, oh – my rump just fell out dresses, razor short mini-skirts, and tops – don’t even get me started on the tops. You know what kind of tops I’m talking about…the ones that reveal way too much, in way too many places, with way too little fabric, are often transparent like tissue paper, and readily promote the brassiere, “the girls” and various other body parts like you’re involuntarily viewing a bargain end-cap at a human grocery meat mart. It’s mind boggling really.
How in the world these people manage to get dressed and arrive to work (at a law firm, I might add) without realizing that they have committed a major fashion atrocity, the likes of which are unparalleled (with the exception the spring/summer of 2011), is absolutely astounding. Yet, into the professional realm these people arrive, in their finest club-hopping attire, and there you sit, in utter amazement, astounded by the fact that these people were not seized at the door and promptly removed from the building, by force, served up secret service style, by those professional people you work with, otherwise known as your attorneys. Yes, they get to stay, and you get to continue to be amazed at how in the world you ended up at the club…I mean your law firm…today.
I have but one question: How in the world is this happening? Seriously. It defies logic, and professionalism, for that matter. We need to hire fashion police to stand guard at the law firm doors all across America. Hide the women and children! Burn the teeny bopper magazines. Who am I, and what planet did I land on?
Now, the scantily clad might infer that people taking notice of this trend have low self-esteem or feel threatened by those who choose to dress themselves as the self-declared Charlie’s Angels of the office, rather than adhering to the fashion sense of a working professional. Let me clear that myth up right now. I’m glad you’re pretty. Good for you. I would argue that I could dress you in something more appropriate and far less provocative…and you’d still be pretty. I take no issue with that. In fact, I’d be happy to run a street poll featuring me, wearing a classy, black suit and stilettos, and you, flaunting your colorful, hooker garb and stilt shoes any day of the week. I’ll take you down, Charlie — angel clothes and all. It’s likely that the unsuspecting individuals participating in such a poll would believe me to be your attorney, representing you on a prostitution charge, but I’m game.
We (your paralyzed and dumbfounded coworkers) do not need to be able to readily ascertain your bodily measurements because your outfit was spray painted on this morning and various parts are hanging out and jiggling about, causing those around you to have the saucer eyes and distorted mental images of professional fashion in a work atmosphere. Seriously. Get a clue. Get a grip. Get a professional wardrobe. Is this really too much to ask? I think not.
To all the newbies out there, I’m here to tell you that this is one of the unspoken rules. You need to dress appropriately. Even if no one ever reprimands the “clubbers” at your law firm, there isn’t a set dress code or club apparel somehow seems acceptable, and even embraced (for God knows whatever reason) at your law firm. Do not be confused as someone lurking through the law firm halls, ready to order a Bacardi and Coke, and dance to “My Milkshake Brings All the Boys to the Yard,” while on the clock. You are at a law firm. To work. They pay you. It is not okay. People do take notice. They wonder about you. They secretly wish for your professional demise. And you better believe that if we (the normal paralegals) could vote the club goers off in the same style as the game of Survivor – we would – and happily.
In the event of a tribal council today, you can rest assured that all of the dark clouds (a/k/a keepers of the misery) and scantily clad maidens will be the first to go, leaving behind a happy tribe of paralegals, perched on executive chairs, sporting professional attire, soaking it all in, as we dream about changing our clothes, and ordering a Bacardi and Coke after work, in your disenchanted honor.
So, to all the paralegals out there who dress professionally, I say: “Good for you. Way to represent.” Score one for the paralegal team.
To all the fashion atrocities, I say: “Where’s the parchment paper?” I’m totally writing your name down. Get a clue. Get a grip. Get a professional wardrobe.
Seriously.
There are no words.
___
So…did you make it all the way through this post without laughing or nodding your head in agreement? We didn’t think so!!
It is time for the owners, partners, attorneys, managers and human resources departments of law firms to remove the blinders and begin to enforce policies that are most likely written in their HR manuals, some code of ethics or in this case…the Code of Human Decency.
We’d love to hear your thoughts, TPS readers. We know you have something interesting to share on this enthralling topic. See that comment button? It has your name on it!
I am proud and greatful to say this particular fashion trend does not take place in our office. I have the pleasure of working with 4 awesome women who always dress professionally. However, I have seen what you shared and really have to wonder what goes thru these womens mind when theyre dressing. Nice post.
I’m not a paralegal…but I do believe it is possible to wear fashionable attire to work without looking like something the cat dragged in…or out depending on the taste preference of the cat!
Cheers,
Laura
p.s. threw that cheers in for your colleagues who think they are still out last night! 🙂
Anne Marie, I’m happy to hear that! I think this discussion definitely extends into other realms and professions, as well. I have family members who work in a wide variety of professions and they’ve seen it too. HR people always have the best stories! As for what goes through these people’s mind when getting dressed…to go to a law firm…to work…I have absolutely no idea. I am guessing not a whole lot in the substantive, intelligent thought department! ha ha. Thanks for your comment.
Laura, Thanks for stopping by The Paralegal Society today! I absolutely agree with you. It is completely possible to be fashionable without walking the runway of shame! I say embrace the fashion trends and cool clothes, so long as you can make them office appropriate. Avoid the “cat look” at all costs no matter what direction he’s headed! ha ha. Absolutely love the cheers!
~ Jamie
Dear Jamie,
This article gets the highest mark…as usual 🙂
I wonder if those people have mirrors at home and…brains in their heads. The problem is widespread. As one of my friends said ones “I hate to take a train during the warm/hot seasons. Besides all problems that our public transportation offers, I don’t need to be exposed to uncanny dress code of immodestly dressed up females.” My other friend resolved this issue with ease: he is near signed. He doesn’t wear glasses outside.
Jamie:
loved the article but we must not forget the makeup that accompanies these fashion faux pas… Apparently the mirror totally distorts in the morning as they pick their dress for the day and where their outfits are skippy (being kind) their makeup on the other hand … well… is so thick it appears they used a putty knife to apply not only the foundation but the accompaning eye-makeup… groan. Well I’ll leave it at that as I feel my feet itching to hit the soapbox. So again great read. Have an awesome day.
Mariana, I can only imagine the train/subway rides! Nothing like close quarters with a weirdo.
Debbie, Good point! I didn’t even make it past the attire atrocities to share some points regarding the make-up mishaps. Feel free to hop up on the TPS soapbox anytime!
~ Jamie
Great post Jamie! It reminds me of the game and song children play where they look at a picture, find the one item that is different than the rest (like an orange among three apples), and sing, “One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn’t belong…”
I often wonder why these club-attired ladies at the law firm don’t see that they are not like the others, and their choice in clothing doesn’t belong!
-Sara
l recall one of my instructors at school, while lecturing about professional attire in the workplace she ironically quoted:”You got to get used of that “boring” suit. You are there to work. Period.”…Well, l feel comfortable being inside of that boring suit, all l have to think and worry is on how l am going to perform well and effectively at my job…
Great article, Jamie. Well done!
What an excellent post! However, I’d like to point out that this “clubbing” trend can go for the opposite sex as well. I used to work with a male paralegal who would show up on baggy pants, over-sized shirts and gold chains. His cubicle was right next to mine and it was very distracting, to say the least!
Correction – “in” baggy pants…
Oops!
OMG TPS… I could not stop laughing, this is so very true. This new generation needs fashion mentors so very badly when it comes to a professional wardrobe, but then again some women my age (late 30’s-40’s) need a lot of help also. I cannot believe that they do not know how to dress appropriately for a professional job. That is the first thing I taught my children when they started talking about jobs and interviewing for colleges and careers. Thank you for this article, I printed it and posted it in my office!!
Hi Sara, That’s exactly right! “One of these things is not like the other.” ha ha. It seems only everyone else notices that, but not the one who is “not” like the others. Self-sensor issue, clearly.
Gjineta, I am continually amazed at the number of people I’ve come across who don’t own one suit –and some of these people not only work in law firms, but attend trials. I’m so glad your instructor spoke with your class about this topic. It’s a very important one that often goes overlooked (or undiscussed…as law firm clubber sightings would indicate!)
Michelle, That’s a great point and not one I considered. While I don’t have any personal experience with the male genre of clubbing attire issues, I’m sure they’re alive and well right along with the ladies…unfortunately.
Renee, So glad you liked the post. Yes, the runway of shame…it’s out there, alive and well. It’s great to hear that you taught your children to avoid the “runway.” ha ha. (At least the runway of shame, anyway!)Thanks for stopping by TPS.
I feel like this post was just a long drawn out complaint. Maybe a specific anecdote, diagram or picture would have helped in initaiting my uncontrollable and endless laughter, but that salvation from boredom never came. Better luck next time I guess.
P.S. maybe this comment should have just read “tl;dr”
Lisa,
I totally admit I had to go and google “tl; dr” to see what it meant! I’m with you now. I learned long ago it’s difficult to please all of the people all of the time. With that being said, I respect your opinion. Thanks for stopping by TPS and taking the time to leave a comment, even if you aren’t a fan of this piece. Like you said, maybe next time…